Alleee and Franc's
INSOLITOLOGY

Click here to go back to the main page

Games Inspired from Crackpots


Scientology : The Board Game
Time Risk
Time Cube Drinking Game
Memetic Domination

Scientology : The Board Game




(layout may not be ideal on bigger fonts)

ROCKSLAM

Go to the RPF. Go directly to the RPF. Do not pass Credit Limit, do not collect 500$, do not draw any cards.
Forced to disconnect from PTS family member, greatly upset. Spend days getting browbeaten about bad attitude. Go down two Ethics-Conditions. Your mom-in-law knocks you out while husband yells out "Where's my fried chicken bitch ?". Take a "chicken" Engram Card and place it face up in front of you. Lunch break. Here, have some rice and beans. While practicing on your e-meter in the bathroom, you have a major cognition ! Draw a Tech Card. "Bastard"
Engram Square
You blackmail Miscavige with pictures of him and a poodle in a compromising position. Collect 400$. ROCKSLAM

Go to the RPF. Go directly to the RPF. Do not pass Credit Limit, do not collect 500$, do not draw any cards.
While practicing on your e-meter in the bathroom, you have a major cognition ! Draw a Tech Card. While practicing on your e-meter in the bathroom, you have a major cognition ! Draw a Tech Card.





"Story"
Engram Square
Stacy Brooks knocks you out w/ protest sign while Bob Minton screams "Hubbard was a big fat idiot". Take a "hubbard" Engram Card and place it face up in front of you.
You read Excalibur, Hubbard's secret tome, and go insane... because of the bad writing. Go down two Ethics-Conditions. Lunch break. Here, have some rice and beans.









Lunch break. Here, have some rice and beans.









You read the text of OT-3 on the Internet and have a major upset. Go down three Ethics-Conditions.
You fall unconscious & someone hits you w/ andiron while saying "Take it in, bastard !". Take a "bastard" Engram Card and place it face up in front of you. "Chicken"
Engram Square
You mortgage your house to pay for your next course. Collect 300$. Koos Nolst Trenite tries to audit you telepathically, making you overrun a process. Lose a turn while you redo the whole damn thing.


......... R
P
F
"Hubbard"
Engram Square
While practicing on your e-meter in the bathroom, you have a major cognition ! Draw a Tech Card. Miracle, Scientology finally has a major win ! They actually pay you a decent salary this time. Collect 150$. CREDIT LIMIT

Your credit limit has been raised.
Collect 500$ and draw a Tech Card if you pass or land on this square.
You read critical material on the Internet, and run to your auditor to remedy this urgent problem. Go down one Ethics-Condition. Auditor punches you out while saying "Your Success Story has terrible grammar". Take a "story" Engram Card and place it face up in front of you. ROCKSLAM

Go to the RPF. Go directly to the RPF. Do not pass Credit Limit, do not collect 500$, do not draw any cards.

Scientology : the board game
For up to 4 players

Equipment : A die, personal cards, S:TBG board, money (50$, 100$, and 1 000$ bills), piles of Tech Cards and Engram Cards, one counter for each player.

Every player has three attributes : Money, Bridge-level, Ethics-Condition
He can also hold Tech Cards, and must keep Engram Cards.
Every player starts with 500$, one Tech Card (drawn randomly), the Bridge-level of TR, and the Ethics-Condition of Normal Operation.

At the beginning :
* Place all the money in its assigned corner. The person in charge of the money, keeping track of the Engram Squares and the Ethics-Conditions is called the Registrar (if no one does this, then the "Registrar" designates simply the corner).
* Every player begins at the lower middle square - CREDIT LIMIT.
* Shuffle the Tech Cards, distribute two to every player, and place the Tech Card deck in the middle and face down. * Place the Engram Cards in four piles, one for each engram, in the middle and face up.


BRIDGE-LEVELS
1 - TR (Training Routines)
2 - ARC Straightwire
3 - Grades 0-IV
4 - New Era Dianetics
5 - Clear
6 - OT-1
7 - OT-2
8 - OT-3


ETHICS-CONDITIONS (from highest to lowest)
Power
Power Change
Affluence
Normal Operation
Emergency
Danger
Non-Existence
Liability
Doubt
Enemy
Treason
Confusion


Winning
A winner is determined either when he is the first to get to OT-3, or when everyone else has been SP-declared.

SP-declared
A player who has been SP-declared is out of the game. All his cards and money must be discarded.

Any player can inflict an SP-declare on another player if the latter has no more money, or is in an Ethics- Condition of Confusion. The person declaring the SP-declare must say "I SP-declare you for the crime of having no money/being in a Condition of Confusion".

The other way to have someone SP-declared is by a successful Comm Ev (Committee of Evidence). The ability to call Comm Evs is given by Tech Cards or during an RPF barter.

Comm Ev
When a Comm Ev is held on you, you can only be judged innocent if you :
* Have an Ethics-Condition above Normal Operation.
OR
* Bribe the Registrar with 1 000$
OR
* Agree to be downgraded by four Ethics-Conditions
OR
* Skip a turn and then go to the RPF
OR
* Play the PC Folder card.

If you refuse to choose any of these options, you are automatically SP-declared.


Turns

At the beginning of a turn (unless the player must skip his turn), the player rolls the die and advances the number of squares indicated, clockwise.

The player must then execute what the square says, if anything.
* If the player lands on an Engram Square, he may decide to buy he engram. If he is afflicted of that engram, he may have to pay to its owner (if any). One cannot buy an engram already owned before paying up his own restimulation (if any). For the rules about engrams, see the section below.

Then the player may use Tech Cards in his possession. The Tech Cards need not be played at once : one can hold on to them for as long as desired. A Tech Card that is played, discarded, sacrificed (and so on) must be put back at the bottom of the pile.

The player to the left can now take his turn.

Players may trade anything he has with anyone else at any time.


Engrams

There are four Engram Squares and four Engram Restimulation Squares.
The engrams consist of : bastard, chicken, hubbard and story.

The Engram Squares are :
- Bastard. "Bastard" engram restimulated in all players.
- Chicken. "Chicken" engram restimulated in all players.
- Hubbard. "Hubbard" engram restimulated in all players.
- Story. "Story" engram restimulated in all players.

The Engram Restimulation Squares are :
- You fall unconscious and someone hits you with an andiron while saying "Take it in, bastard !". Take a "bastard" Engram Card and place it face up in front of you.
- Your mother-in-law knocks you out while her husband yells out "Where's my fried chicken, bitch ?". Take a "chicken" Engram Card and place it face up in front of you.
- Stacy Brooks knocks you out with a protest sign while Bob Minton screams "Hubbard was a big fat idiot". Take a "hubbard" Engram Card and place it face up in front of you.
- Your auditor punches you out while the Registrar tells you "Your Success Story has terrible grammar". Take a "story" Engram Card and place it face up in front of you.

You may buy an Engram Square for 150$ if you land on an unclaimed one.
You may buy claimed Engram Squares if you decide to pay higher (at your choice) than the present claimant. When buying an Engram Square this way, the price must be declared to all (in order to take notes).
Buying an already-owned Engram Square must be done after paying for one's own restimulation, if any.


Engram Restimulation

When any player lands on an Engram Square already owned, all players who have the corresponding Engram Card are restimulated, and must pay 50$ to the owner (if the owner is also restimulated, he must pay 50$ to the Registrar).
All restimulated Clears and above must roll the die. Players who roll a 1 must go directly to the RPF (do not collect 500$, do not draw any cards).
Additionally, a player who is restimulated may sacrifice a Tech Card in his possession to discard the corresponding Engram Card (this is the only situation where one can do this).


RPF

When landing on the RPF square directly, treat it as an empty square.

When landing on the RPF from a Rockslam, your turn ends here.
On the next turn, you may try to get out of the RPF. There are two ways to accomplish this :
* Roll a 6 on a die roll, and you are out of the RPF (only one roll allowed per turn).
* Barter with all your fellow players to readmit you. They may demand from you any of the following :

up to 150$.
OR
one Tech Card.
OR
one Engram Square.
OR
a look at all your Tech Cards.
OR
the right to call a Comm Ev against you.

If you accept all the offers of your fellow players and pay them off, you are out of the RPF.

When you get out of the RPF, go up two ethics conditions. You will now be able to roll the die on the next turn.


TECH CARDS

4x - You use Fair Game policy appropriately by attacking a Scientology critic with a waffle maker. You are honoured ! Go up one Bridge-Level.
4x - While choking on your rice and beans, you suddently realize that you are mocking your reactive mind up. It all makes sense ! Sadly, you are also still a looney. Go up one Bridge-Level.
4x - The thetan of L. Ron Hubbard comes in your dream and reveals to you the secrets of the universe. When you wake up, you realize it was just another of these damn processes. Go up one Bridge-Level.
3x - You initiate a Hard Sell on someone to make him pay for useless courses. Get 250$ from a chosen player.
2x - Price of levels have abruptly risen by 10% ! All players pay 100$ to the Registrar.
2x - You are ordered by Management to go buy copies of Scientology's newest book to boost sales. One chosen player pays 100$ to the Registrar.
2x - The Sea Org cracks down on your org and pins your failure on a scapegoat. One chosen player goes down two Ethics-Conditions.
2x - You slip OT materials from the Internet in someone's suitcase. One chosen player goes down two Ethics-Conditions.
6x - Get out of the RPF free. Use this card when in the RPF to get out and start another turn immediately, then discard this card.
3x - You hear that a fellow player has started doubting the scriptures and is questioning other people about it. He/she must be stopped at all costs ! You can use this card to call a Comm Ev on anyone.
2x - You had a good auditing session today. Advance one square and play that square.
1x - PC Folders make good blackmail material, especially against people who are putting you on trial. Confidentiality ? Pshaw ! Hold on to this card. If an opponent declares a Comm Ev on you, it is nullified and a Comm Ev is declared on him instead. Then discard this card.




Time Risk




Time Risk
For up to 4 players

Time Risk is a cross between Time Cube and Risk. The objective is to conquer all four Sides (each Side having two squares to conquer).


The board

The board has 32 squares (of various shapes).
The middle squares marked "C" are the Corner squares, which give their owner more armies to add at the end of his turn.
The eight squares marked "S" are the Side squares. Occupying all eight Side squares means victory.

Starting the game

With 2 players, each player starts with 15 armies.
With 3 players, each player starts with 10 armies.
With 4 players, each player starts with 7 armies.

Each player, in turn, places one army on any square that is :
* Neither a Corner nor a Side square
* Not occupied by an opponent
Until all players have no more armies to place.

How to win

The first player with armies on all Side squares wins.
All other players lost because they are educated stupid and evil, and cannot understand Time Risk.


Turns

A turn consists of four optional phases :

* Battles
You may use armies on one square to attack any adjacent square occupied by an enemy. You may also use battle cards here.

* You may then use other cards.

* Movement
You may move any number of armies to and from any two adjacent squares that you occupy.

* At end of turn, place more armies on any square you already own.
With 2 players, the player gets 8 armies + number of Corners owned.
With 3 players, the player gets 6 armies + number of Corners owned.
With 4 players, the player gets 4 armies + number of Corners owned.

* At any time, if armies of opposing players are located on the same square - due to previous alliance of playing a card - the battle must be resolved immediately.


Battle

The attacker and defender must roll dice until either one has no more armies, or the attacker disengages.

Every roll must be done with one die vs one die except in the following cases :
If one side involved has double the number of armies of the other side, then the former can throw two dice.
If one side involved has triple the number of armies of the other side, then the former can throw three dice.

Rolls can also be affected by battle cards.

The winning side places one bonus army on the square conquered, and may move any number of its victorious armies to that square. The player also takes a card.


Cards

After being played, cards must be discarded at the bottom of the pile.

- Battle Card - The Cubic God smiles on you. +1 on every die for an entire battle
- Battle Card - Gene Ray is the wisest man on Earth. You may throw the dice again to get a better result.
- You are cornered dark. Place a bonus army on any unmarked dark square
- You are cornered light. Place a bonus army on any unmarked light square
- You are one-corner face in four-corner head. If an opponent has all four Corners, swap the armies on one of your squares for those on one of his Corner squares.




Time Cube Drinking Game



How to play : read aloud the newest Gene updates on his web site, or read the web site when someone is new to "Gene Gene the Psychotic Machine".

Scoring :
Gene boasts of his superior intelligence or wisdom : take 1 sip.
"Time Cube empowers wisdom" : take 1 sip.
Calling someone evil, liars, a bastard, a jackass, or a nazi : take 1 sip.
Bible and science are evil scams : take 1 sip.
Students are gullible bastards : take 1 sip.
"Time Cube", "Cubic", "Cubeless", or "Cubicism" : take 1 sip.
Ranting about the NAACP : take 1 sip.
Mind-control or enslavement : take 1 sip.
"Truth" : take 1 sip.

Ranting about his "debate" at MIT : take 2 sips at the end.
"word god" or "word evil" or "word enslaves" or "word is counterfeit & fiction" : Shout "only your words, Gene", take 2 sips.
He will give 10 000$ to anyone who disproves Time Cube, or all his other money challenges : Shout "right, Gene", take 2 sips.
"Self is lowest form of humanity" : Shout "only you, Gene", take 2 sips.
"4-24 simultaneous days", "4-day Earth", "4 simultaneous days" : mimic the arms of a clock going wild, take 2 sips.

"You are personified pyramid" : take 3 sips.
"You were educated stupid and evil" or variants : take 3 sips.
"Humans are educated stupid" or variants : take 3 sips.
Gene claims he has "absolute proof" : Shout "sure, Gene", take 3 sips.
"four corners" or "four quadrant corners" or "four corner metamorphosis" : Shout "two plus two plus two make four !", take 4 sips.
"1-corner face" : Shout "how many corners does the average head have, Gene ?", take 4 sips.
"1-corner god" : Shout "how many corners does the average god have, Gene ?", take 4 sips.

Proposing that killing educators, or forcing educators to teach Time Cube, is OK : Shout "bad Gene ! bad Gene !", finish your drink.
Enjoining you to kill educators : Shout "bad Gene ! bad Gene !", take a drink.

The "YOU" rant that starts at "YOU are the lowest form" : Chug all the way thru.
The "media" rant that starts at "No media dares debate me" : Chug all the way thru.




Memetic Domination



WHAT IS MEMETIC DOMINATION?

An incredible new add-on to the best game ever - as heralded by PC Gamer and other magazines! "Memetic Domination" uses the Alpha Centauri engine to bring you another kind of world domination - a war of ideas. Your goal is now to make the whole world worship you! This is accomplished, not by destruction, but by the propagation of memes - units of ideas. Because of this, the "hit points" of units are now "belief points." When you "beat" another unit in memetic combat, the unit is "converted" to your cause.

THE NEW FACTIONS

The original seven factions have been replaced by fanatical religions bent on the complete memetic domination of Planet. They also have special units or unit abilities that can only be built by their particular faction. Here they are:

Your own faction - named at your choice. You get one special unit which represents you and your awesome power of charisma and conversion. You are swift and deadly, but use yourself sparingly since you cannot be replaced! Male or female icons available. You can also play another faction, of course - in which case this faction is replaced by the Transcendents (see below).
Scientology - the "spiritual technology" cult. A good all-around faction, it has bonuses in anti-probing (Probe rating) and Police. Their special units are called "Registrars," which have a special ability called "Instant Brainwash." Reach out to enemy units with the Registrar and low belief points units will give in without a fight!
Religious Right - the Christian radicals cult. This faction has extra Growth, because of the influence of Catholicism. Their units can equip a special ability called "Conversion Tracts." Simply dispense these Jack Chick tracts at any square of land. Any enemy unit that walks on a square of land with tracts automatically loses belief points!
JWs - the Jehovah's Witnesses. This faction has extra production (Efficiency) because of their high level of involvement. Their probe teams can also benefit from the "Door Knockers" ability, which makes them completely unable to do anything to units but trebles their ability while infiltrating cities.
New Age - this wave of loosely-knit beliefs is taking over the world. Their poor cohesion (Probe rating) is compensated by Economy (the New Age market is vast) and Ecology bonuses, as well as a special ability called "Crystal Focus" which heightens your land unit's attack power!
Satanism - the religion of darkness and anarchy. Their low Police rating makes them especially vulnerable to riots, but this is offset by a Morale bonus. Their special ability of "Incantation" can summon demons that can scare the begeezus out of any unit!
Illuminati - the ever-elusive and omnipresent secret society, their reclusive nature makes them almost invulnerable to probing, and their crafty and adaptive nature gives them an advantage in mind-control Research. Their unit ability of "cloaking" lets them enter enemy territory undetected, unless a sensor is present on an adjacent square.
Transcendents - a mysterious heretic, nihilist, collectivist faction bent on the assimilation of Planet. Their lack of concern for material things give them an added Support bonus, and their lack of religious dogma gives them a definite advantage in Research. However, these extras are offset by their lack of special units or abilities.

The native mindworms (those little critters that come from the fungus and attack units and cities) have been replaced by the Men In Black. The MiB are secret governmental agents who roam around the map and tell people to "not say a word" about their newfound beliefs, effectively de-converting your people or land units. In case of drone riots, they can subvert a whole city, effectively snatching it from your control for their own nefarious purposes.

THE TECHNOLOGY

You have the same types of chassis and armor at your disposition, but not the same weapons - you use propaganda tools instead. Amongst the weapons available, you can discover and use: violence, threats, subliminal messages, as well as various mind control techniques.
New special projects are also available, like the following. They all have a preferred faction, but all factions can acquire them.

Subvert Government - makes your faction officially recognized as a religion by the government, nullifies MiB intervention. Used by many cults before, but especially Scientology.
Subvert United Nations - a complement to Subvert Government, this SP lets you infiltrate Planet's institutions, which has the net result of doubling your votes on Council! Perfect when you need that extra boost to get elected.
Operation Footbullet - watch in amusement as all attacks on you from other factions heighten the number of MiBs on their territory! Operation Footbullet is constantly used against the Scientology faction.
Call for Donations - a dramatic appeal for donations (a technique perfected by Oral Roberts, of the Religious Right faction) nets you a sweet 3000 energy credits.
A Sign from the Heavens - a comet falls on your territory, which you promptly interpret as a sign of the nearness of the End Times. You then proceed to make prediction after prediction of the date of the end, failing repeatedly, motivating your followers into a frenzy in the meantime. For the next 100 years: no riots, Morale boost, all probe teams used against your factions are automatically converted. The JW faction has used this technique successfully in the past.
Crystal Power - by acquiring the knowledge necessary to power crystals with mystic energy, your citizens acquire mind defense powers by their personal crystals. Counts as a Tachyon Field for all your bases. A specialty of the New Age faction.
Human Sacrifice - the satanic symbolic "sacrifice" is a curse placed on one's enemies. The city where this SP is built loses 1 pop.: all enemy cities over 3 pop. lose 1.
The Walls Have Ears - your secret agents infiltrate the world one base at a time, one faction at a time, finally encompassing the entire inhabited globe. This Illuminati specialty gives you access to all the information on all bases and factions.
Doublethink - by using doublethink, one can eventually hold something and its contrary in his mind at the same time without any conflict. Nullifies all negative effects of Fundamentalist social choice. Perfected by the mind-control researchers of the Transcendence faction.

This is only a glimpse of the new additions in Memetic Dominance. A whole new game for the Alpha Centauri fanatic, available for only $29.95 (USD) in all good computer stores!

"PC Gaming Review said of this game: "Memetic Domination is the...greatest...game...in the history of gaming"."
--The Society for Misleading Quotations

"This game promotes violence, anti-religiousness and animal fornication. Any righteous citizen must boycott this infamy! Protest your local Egghead store."
--Mickey Kirkland, leader of "Christians for Family Values"

"This game could be popular and make lots of ca$h, if the GREYS from Mars don't get their hands on it first. We must FIGHT these aliens with our newfound free-energy technology to make the gaming world a better place. UN-altered SELLING and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT game is ENCOURAGED."
--Robert McElwaine, net.kook reviewer.
"Sorry, we can't be bothered to play a stupid strategy game. We're too busy getting blasted on Quake Arena."
--Super Action PC Gaming Bi-Monthly Playing Game Review



By Franc. Last updated 07/2002