Alleee and Franc's
INSOLITOLOGY

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Movie haters
ChildCare Action Project + Christian Spotlight on the Movies



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ChildCare Action Project
Christian Analysis of American Culture
"not a daycare center"


What is the CAP Ministry?
The CAP Ministry is a service to His little ones through you, their parents and grandparents in Jesus' name by His Word. We tell you the truth about the content of popular entertainment using the Truth to decide what to tell you so YOU can make an informed decision on your own whether a flick is fit for your kids or yourselves. Our investgation standards are the teachings and expectations of Jesus Christ and are thus Rock-solid, never changing with the slippery tides of modern morality.
Specifically, H i s W o r d r u l e s

happy family I've often wondered how fundamentalist parents do it: how many hours in a day does it take to shelter their children from the evils of The Liberal, Satanic Media?

Imagine "the Flanders" (from The Simpsons), because that's who The Fundamentalist Family is. I know, because, as most normal, healthy, American girls who couldn't get dates, I spent most weekend evenings babysitting. At least three of these families were the Flanders.The most extreme was the family of "Steve 'n' Debbie," who not only belonged to the Moral Majority, they were Adherents of Amway. (Honey, do we have plans to talk about Amway in this site?) As a Little Heathen tm, a wicked teenaged liberal recently released from christianity, I practically walked on eggshells around these children. What could I say to them? What were they allowed to do? It was pretty complicated, until I searched deep into the christian recesses of my mind for Traditional Family Values: girl does not play with boys' toys, boys allowed to shoot b-b gun in backyard, no Lord's Name Taken in vain, Spanking is Encouraged, Read approved bible stories before bed. Check. Thank goodness Steve's good job and the Grace of the Lord allowed Steve enough moolah to send those kids to a good christian school. But with all their activities, church, choir, Wednesday night bible study and Amway inspirational meetings, how could Steve and Debbi know which books and movies help make their kids grow into godfearing, wholesome, heterosexual adults, and which movies would send them careening through the gates of hell with a martini in one hand, a joint in the other, and a copy of Mao's Little Red Book under their arm?

I don't know what Steve 'n' Debbi did back in 1983, but today's Better Christian Parents have help. The Childcare Action Project (not a daycare center) has an extensive list (more than 500 currently) of Fundamentalist, inerrant-word-of-god-bible-believing-personal-relationship-with-christ-Christian analyses of current and semi-current films. The fact that I have probably seen at least 500 movies that aren't on this list notwithstanding, this has got to be a great help to the Harried Housewife in Heels who just wants to send her kids to the movies so she can get Dinner On the Table In Peace For A Change, For Pete's Sake.

ChildCare alert's analysis system is pretty simple: movies are "monitored" rather than actually watched, for "W-I-S-D-O-M":

W: Wanton Violence/Crime, I: Impudence/Hate, S: Sex/Homosexuality, D: Drugs/Alcohol, O: Offense to God, M: Murder/Suicide

Numbers of incidences of these crimes per hour are noted, and scores are given. A pretty high score (95%!) is needed before the film gets its "green light" go-ahead. I checked a pretty tame-sounding G-rated movie first:

Doug's First Movie (1999): score 95. The first film to receive CAP's "green light" (since '95)
Wanton Violence/Crime (W):
adolescents in a forest with no adult protection an adult threatening adolescents

Impudence/Hate (I)(1):
adolescent arrogance against a father's dominion

Sex/Homosexuality (S):
adolescent underwear introduction to adult sexual advance

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
a whiskey bottle with shot glasses in a limousine

Offense to God (O)(2):
a Satanic symbol (a peace sign is flashed-Alleee)

Murder/Suicide (M)(3):
None noted

[Franc's note : I remember that one, it was a friggin' CHILDREN'S MOVIE !]

Now for the juicy stuff. First, Franc thought, "What about Dogma?" Well. There's so much they had to say about that movie (score: 6), just click here. Leaning away from the Scriptures, how about something just...offensiveesque: American Pie (Score: 41): Wow. They really hated "Dogma!"

The movie starts out with a teen boy watching a porn flick on cable TV (audio present) -- and he is doing that which the entertainment industry and pansexualists want you to think about what teenage boys do if watching sexual material alone in their bedroom. The boy also performed this act with an apple pie, thus the name of the show. There are scenes with all the sounds and motions of oral sex -- more than once. One of the recipients of this 'favor' deposited into a cup of beer which was later drank by another boy. I am sorry folks, but it was there! Right on the screen! And if your kids go to see this movie, they will see and hear it! Plain and simple. There is much, much more regarding the attention to detail the producers went to, but I WILL NOT speak of that.
There was a lot of sexual offers, requests, and invitations; lots of bragging of sexual conquest, planning of sexual conquest, and BEING a sexual conquest; and talk, comments, and innuendo about sex. And on top of that there were at least four instances of teen drinking. And rear male nudity. Who knows (or cares) about what was in the rest of the show? I will never know. :o)

Almost forgot. The most foul of foul words? Yes, eight times. God's name in vain? Yes, six times. Teen drinking? Yes, four times. And much more. In just 44 minutes.

That's all I'm gonna say about the content of this, to use an expression of my sainted mother, 'dirty movie'. And for those of you underage emailers who claim our analyses help you decide which vulgar movies you want to watch, there are many really good parents out there who will and do use our analyses to stop underage viewing. And I am proud of and thankful for them. They are heroes in this day of corroded and corroding moral standards and ethics; this day of departure from God's expectations of us."

Amen, brother. I thought the movie was pretty stupid, too. But then, my favorite movie is Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. ( Score: coming soon)




christian logo for site Christian Spotlight on the Movies

Most parents do care what their children are viewing on television and in the movies, but don't know where to turn for answers to their questions about the programming. Have you found yourself wondering if a certain movie release or TV sitcom is acceptable for your child? Does it promote the kinds of morals you want them to learn? Also remember that every time you buy a movie ticket or rent a video you are casting a vote telling Hollywood 'That's what I want.'... Spotlight provides 'candid, concise reviews of today's movies and videos from a Christian perspective.'

This site is pretty slick-it's just like a "real" movie review site-complete with lots of advertisements (for christian things, of course). The movie reviews are very conventiently ranked in order of morality-"Best, Average, Worse and Worst." Strangely enough, it allows for moviemaking quality rating as well. Our old favorite, "American Pie" was "morally rated" as "extremely offensive," yet it was given three stars for moviemaking-same rating Roger Ebert gave! Very objective of you, Christian Spotlight!

So what kind of movie is excellent to these folks? A quick scan shows what I suspected: Christian movies, of course. Christian children's cartoons, christian documentaries like, Are You Going to Heaven? Do they remain objective about the quality of the actual films? I wouldn't know, as it is doubtful I will ever see these films. Many of the cartoons are given four stars, but I see America's Godly Heritage gets only two. They very helpfully allow one to purchase this film right from the review page-something absent from the American Pie review. Tsk. The shopping choice here is a christian woman's book on sex. Strange...

Let us take a look at a "five-star" movie sure to receive a bad moral review:
Jurassic Park: Aside from the film's often violent nature, there are relatively few profanities. Rare for most of today's secular movies, Jurassic Park does not feature any nudity or premarital sex, although one character flirts briefly with the female lead and mentions his many divorces.
While Jurassic Park does provide some amusement park-type thrills to the flesh, its evolutionist agenda only further contributes to what is -- ironically -- the title of its much awaited sequel... "The Lost World."

For more information, see the following: (links are from Christian Answers.Net)
Are dinosaurs mentioned in the Bible?
How do dinosaurs fit with the Bible?
Have blood cells ever been found in dinosaur fossils?

The site very judiciously allows readers to post their own reviews of movies. I notice the 12 year-olds that posted on the Jurassic Park page found it to be "Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is very clean in my opinion."



review written by Alison, 07/2002.