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of Robert Lavelle
and his insane spams from space
no personal information available
Quote : "Space moves like this. O /\ + \/ O"
Robert Lavelle has the dubious honour of being the most well-known spammer on the Internet, apart from the now-legendary David Rhodes. You may never have heard his name, but it is probable that you have at least once seen the following spam :
E=MC The equation for the atom bomb. It says that matter and energy are the same thing. So then what is that? Matter, look at a brick. Its in a three dimensional form. Its made of electrons, protons and neutrons (atoms) and they are moving so the brick is moving. Energy, sunlight. Its in a three dimensional form. It comes to us from the sun therefore it is moving. 3D and moving Both matter and energy are 3D and moving. I outproduce Einstein. We already know all matter has gravity. The bending of light shows that energy has gravity also. So matter and energy are 3D moving with gravity. The universe is made of matter, energy, time and space. That just stated is the matter and energy part. Time and space. Take everything in the universe and stop it. Does time progress? No. Therefore time is the motion and the understanding of all the motion is the understanding of all of time. Space, it ends. Space does not go on forever. Space is in a three dimensional form. It moves but does not have gravity. Space moves like this. O /\ + \/ O
And that is the understanding of all of time.
O This is what was first in the beginning.
/\ This is the old kings and queens.
+ This is democracy.
\/ This is socialism.
O This is when the Lord Jesus Christ returns.
And that is the understanding of the universe. Glory be to the Father the Son and the Holy Ghost. Revelation chapter 10 & 11; 15-19. It is very important the people receive this information. You may tell someone about this.
After having this startling insight in the nature of time and space - or whatever it's supposed to be, anyway - Robert decided to do the only obvious thing he could think of.
Spam it all over the randforsaken internet.
This is his story.
The Universe, Space Ends and Moves O/\+\/O
Yes, that's the name of his web site : "The Universe, Space Ends and Moves O/\+\/O". O/\+\/O is, of course, his favourite equation. Perusing his mercifully short site, you are likely to say something like :
1. He sure likes weird images.
2. He doesn't have a very firm grasp on HTML.
3. Is this guy on medication ?
Slapped right on the front page is his most popular letter, followed by links to four pages. "Page 1" is one of his other favourite sentences, except written all in clipart letters : "I demand total and perfect happiness for every man, woman and child forever and ever and ever". Page 2 says : "The Rapture will not occur until the universe is properly displayed". What, is God playing with the resolution on his monitor or something ? Is this a warning to school teachers who fiddle too much with projector knobs ? Only Robert knows.
"God's Plan" is one big image - a timeline of the past and future, as seen from his eyes. Reasonably enough, the left extremity is labeled "eternity past". Then we have Jesus, the destruction and reappearance of Israel, the rapture and tribulation, and Jesus' return. Robert is more ambitious than even most prophets or end-timers, and predicts beyond the 1000 years of Jesus' reign. But all he says is a mysterious "Jesus Christ creates new Heaven and Earth New Jerusalem his eternal kingdom" and then "eternity future". And finally we have the page "Revelation 10 & 11:15-19", which is, well, the text of Revelations 10 and Revelations 11:15-19.
Bible quotes and preoccupation over Jesus and the end-times : is Lavelle a Christian ? Some have suggested that his concern about overpopulation is atypical for Christians, and as such may indicate that he is not. This also remains a mystery - perhaps you will be able to judge for yourself by reading some of his emails.
There is one last, perhaps irrelevant but curious, thing to say about his site. There are large blank areas on them, and some have hidden messages, which can be seen by highlighting them. On the front page is hidden "theuniversetheuniverse" and Page 2 says "7THeuniverse". As everyone knows, 7 is the holy number. An attempt to subliminally subdue detractors ? Or just an artefact of his bad HTML coding ? Who knows ?
The mystery of Robert Lavelle remains. To get a wider look at the question, we must go outside of his realm and go into the real world, where Robert is still spamming. It turns out that our Robert has made the news ! Sadly, not for any success, but rather because of his idiocy. The Journal, which covers Virginia, reports that in July of 2000, Lavelle tried to sue various law enforcment offices for 11 trillion dollars. You read that right, 11 trillion dollars. Why ?
``The reason for this law suite [sic] is the police refuse to enforce the law," Lavelle wrote in the 18-page lawsuit filed Wednesday in Prince William Circuit Court. ``I believe their negligence is not only a threat to my life but a threat to all the life of the planet and I demand justice to be done."
It seems Robert feels he can make a lawsuit in the name of the entire world. It would be safe to suppose that it was dismissed, although I could find no more information on this subject.
What about the spamming ? According to a sysadmin, Greg Keogh, Lavelle kinda fell off the map after Y2K. Greg is concerned :
I received my last 'SPACE ENDS & MOVES' spam on 21-Dec-99. Is Lavelle now living in the wilderness somewhere with plenty of ammo and food? Is he composing a new spam to explain that he made a minor miscalculation in the date? - from news.admin.net-abuse.email (see post)
All valid questions, but Robert is like Elvis : he's always back, but this time it seems he only uses his pseudonym "Johnny King". While there are no positives, some say he came back last June, under the email address email@example.com, writing rambling messages about poor children, and sending him money, which I call "I want to sue" (a prelude to his lawsuit ?).
Last February, a number of people reported him under the email firstname.lastname@example.org, posting his "I demand total and perfect happiness for every man woman and child, Forever and ever and ever and ever" emails. The "Kill the Murderers !" email was reported in 2001 by Cyberguards.
I talk a lot about the posts, but what are they really like ? Here you will get to see Robert Lavelle's greatest hits. You already saw the "E=MC The equation for the atom bomb" email that made Lavelle infamous - many are variants or add-ons to it. Here are some other masterpieces :
His pivotal claim is O /\ + \/ O. This is based on the claim that space moves (and so do bricks, for some reason). And if everyone realizes that space moves, there will be universal happiness, perhaps caused by laughing at Robert Lavelle. So basically, space moves like beginning, then like a king, then like democracy, then like socialism, then like the return of Jesus Christ. We must advise space at once to get a job as humorist, for he certainly knows how to move funnily. It is still unknown if this can explain how the universe must be displayed.
What of his concerns about overpopulation ? It used to be a big scare, and Robert may not know that the problem of future overpopulation has been dampened by the slow global rise in prosperity and the spread of AIDS. But his world is a different world, one where space moves and anyone can kill starving children.
Of course, it's also possible that our friend Robert is just really insane.
As you can already imagine, Robert has gone thru numerous email accounts, as well as numerous nicknames, during his spamming activities. This site lists about thirty email addresses that he has used, and about as many ISPs. It also lists his favourite subject lines, such as "THE RAPTURE IT IS TIME TO GO THE RAPTURE IS TO BE THE MOST DECLARIED ANNOUNCEMENT EVER YOU USE THE UNIVERSE TO DO THAT" and "You have been found GUILTY."
The Stop Robert Lavelle Page
Follows the adventures of Robert Lavelle, with news, links, a message board, and the alleged picture.
review written by Franc, 08/2002.