Alleee and Franc's
INSOLITOLOGY

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This picture has been
alleged to be a rare shot
of Robert Lavelle, but is
not official.
The mystery remains.
The bogus Usenet journey
of Robert Lavelle
and his insane spams from space

no personal information available
Quote : "Space moves like this. O /\ + \/ O"


Robert Lavelle has the dubious honour of being the most well-known spammer on the Internet, apart from the now-legendary David Rhodes. You may never have heard his name, but it is probable that you have at least once seen the following spam :

E=MC The equation for the atom bomb. It says that matter and energy are the same thing. So then what is that? Matter, look at a brick. Its in a three dimensional form. Its made of electrons, protons and neutrons (atoms) and they are moving so the brick is moving. Energy, sunlight. Its in a three dimensional form. It comes to us from the sun therefore it is moving. 3D and moving Both matter and energy are 3D and moving. I outproduce Einstein. We already know all matter has gravity. The bending of light shows that energy has gravity also. So matter and energy are 3D moving with gravity. The universe is made of matter, energy, time and space. That just stated is the matter and energy part. Time and space. Take everything in the universe and stop it. Does time progress? No. Therefore time is the motion and the understanding of all the motion is the understanding of all of time. Space, it ends. Space does not go on forever. Space is in a three dimensional form. It moves but does not have gravity. Space moves like this. O /\ + \/ O
And that is the understanding of all of time.
O This is what was first in the beginning.
/\ This is the old kings and queens.
+ This is democracy.
\/ This is socialism.
O This is when the Lord Jesus Christ returns.
And that is the understanding of the universe. Glory be to the Father the Son and the Holy Ghost. Revelation chapter 10 & 11; 15-19. It is very important the people receive this information. You may tell someone about this.

Thank You
Robert Lavelle


After having this startling insight in the nature of time and space - or whatever it's supposed to be, anyway - Robert decided to do the only obvious thing he could think of.

Spam it all over the randforsaken internet.

This is his story.

The Universe, Space Ends and Moves O/\+\/O

Yes, that's the name of his web site : "The Universe, Space Ends and Moves O/\+\/O". O/\+\/O is, of course, his favourite equation. Perusing his mercifully short site, you are likely to say something like :

1. He sure likes weird images.
2. He doesn't have a very firm grasp on HTML.
3. Is this guy on medication ?

Slapped right on the front page is his most popular letter, followed by links to four pages. "Page 1" is one of his other favourite sentences, except written all in clipart letters : "I demand total and perfect happiness for every man, woman and child forever and ever and ever". Page 2 says : "The Rapture will not occur until the universe is properly displayed". What, is God playing with the resolution on his monitor or something ? Is this a warning to school teachers who fiddle too much with projector knobs ? Only Robert knows.

"God's Plan" is one big image - a timeline of the past and future, as seen from his eyes. Reasonably enough, the left extremity is labeled "eternity past". Then we have Jesus, the destruction and reappearance of Israel, the rapture and tribulation, and Jesus' return. Robert is more ambitious than even most prophets or end-timers, and predicts beyond the 1000 years of Jesus' reign. But all he says is a mysterious "Jesus Christ creates new Heaven and Earth New Jerusalem his eternal kingdom" and then "eternity future". And finally we have the page "Revelation 10 & 11:15-19", which is, well, the text of Revelations 10 and Revelations 11:15-19.

Why create a new Heaven and Earth when we already have perfectly good ones ?
Only Robert knows.

Bible quotes and preoccupation over Jesus and the end-times : is Lavelle a Christian ? Some have suggested that his concern about overpopulation is atypical for Christians, and as such may indicate that he is not. This also remains a mystery - perhaps you will be able to judge for yourself by reading some of his emails.

There is one last, perhaps irrelevant but curious, thing to say about his site. There are large blank areas on them, and some have hidden messages, which can be seen by highlighting them. On the front page is hidden "theuniversetheuniverse" and Page 2 says "7THeuniverse". As everyone knows, 7 is the holy number. An attempt to subliminally subdue detractors ? Or just an artefact of his bad HTML coding ? Who knows ?



The mystery of Robert Lavelle remains. To get a wider look at the question, we must go outside of his realm and go into the real world, where Robert is still spamming. It turns out that our Robert has made the news ! Sadly, not for any success, but rather because of his idiocy. The Journal, which covers Virginia, reports that in July of 2000, Lavelle tried to sue various law enforcment offices for 11 trillion dollars. You read that right, 11 trillion dollars. Why ?

``The reason for this law suite [sic] is the police refuse to enforce the law," Lavelle wrote in the 18-page lawsuit filed Wednesday in Prince William Circuit Court. ``I believe their negligence is not only a threat to my life but a threat to all the life of the planet and I demand justice to be done."

It seems Robert feels he can make a lawsuit in the name of the entire world. It would be safe to suppose that it was dismissed, although I could find no more information on this subject.

What about the spamming ? According to a sysadmin, Greg Keogh, Lavelle kinda fell off the map after Y2K. Greg is concerned :

I received my last 'SPACE ENDS & MOVES' spam on 21-Dec-99. Is Lavelle now living in the wilderness somewhere with plenty of ammo and food? Is he composing a new spam to explain that he made a minor miscalculation in the date? - from news.admin.net-abuse.email (see post)

All valid questions, but Robert is like Elvis : he's always back, but this time it seems he only uses his pseudonym "Johnny King". While there are no positives, some say he came back last June, under the email address popejohn@avon.net, writing rambling messages about poor children, and sending him money, which I call "I want to sue" (a prelude to his lawsuit ?).

Last February, a number of people reported him under the email robertlavelle@cs.net, posting his "I demand total and perfect happiness for every man woman and child, Forever and ever and ever and ever" emails. The "Kill the Murderers !" email was reported in 2001 by Cyberguards.



I talk a lot about the posts, but what are they really like ? Here you will get to see Robert Lavelle's greatest hits. You already saw the "E=MC The equation for the atom bomb" email that made Lavelle infamous - many are variants or add-ons to it. Here are some other masterpieces :

"I demand total and perfect happiness for every man woman and child, Forever and ever and ever and ever"
Seen in February 2002.
I demand total and perfect happiness for every man woman and child,
Forever and ever and ever and ever.

To achieve that
I need everyone to understand that space ends, space does not go on forever, it ends.

The big difference between space ending or not ending is if space does not end then space does not have a shape but once you understand that space ends then space can take a shape and that shape can move.

Then I need to talk to everyone three times half hour each time at the end of the third half hour the rapture shall occur and everyone shall be taken to heaven.

"Kill the Murderers !"
Seen in 2001, not present on Usenet.
6 billion people !!!
No wonder there's wars all over the world.
No wonder there's starvation all over the world.
No wonder there's poverty all over the world.
No wonder there's murder all over the world.
No wonder there's crime all over the world.
etc. etc. etc.

Kill the people that overpopulate the world to death, creating wars starvation poverty crime etc. worldwide. They have billions of people living in total despair and millions of people dying from their overpopulating the world to death. They take it to the point that they are a threat to the entire planet. Then you get the pristy boys running around saying more more more just keep having more children. Then the pristy boys say look look look everybody look at all that starvation over there , if that was you starving to death you would want someone to give you something would't you, GIVE ME MONEY. Then they get the money give the poor 10% and keep 90% and go build churches in all the rich neighborhoods.

Kill the Murderers !

"I want to sue"
It seems this email appeared in 2001 and is
still spammed, although not on Usenet.
I want to sue,


1 any state any time any judge tries to conduct court without a jury.



2 any state that refuses to collect taxes from the churches, I am sick of them slobs with their,
Come on now more more more just keep having more children NO BIRTH CONTROL!
LOOK LOOK LOOK everybody look at all that starvation over there!
Quickly give me money!
If that was you starving to death you would want someone to give you something wouldn't you.
QUICKLY GIVE ME MONEY !
$1, $2, $3, $4, $5, $6, $7, $8, $9, $10 Here ALL you poor people here is $1 for all of you Jesus Loves ALL OF YOU ! Praise the Lord ! ( who knows if they really give em a $1? )
Now don't try saying there is too many starving people, or that overpopulating the world to death creates wars, starvation, poverty, crime, abortion etc. worldwide. That is not the problem the problem is that YOU are

not giving me enough money to take care of all those good and wonderful starving people. That's the problem.
And no no no I don't pay taxes the money is for the poor.
Well got to go and build more churches in all the rich neighborhoods.
I am the church !
*** AND IF ANY OF THOSE STARVING CHILDREN TRY TO GET VIOLENT KILL THEM THEY ARE THE "BAD" ONES ***



3 The churches for creating wars starvation poverty crime abortion etc worldwide by overpopulating the world to death they kill millions and have billions in total dispair with their,
Come on now more more more just keep having more children NO BIRTH CONTROL!
LOOK LOOK LOOK everybody look at all that starvation over there!
Quickly give me money!
If that was you starving to death you would want someone to give you something wouldn't you.
QUICKLY GIVE ME MONEY !
$1, $2, $3, $4, $5, $6, $7, $8, $9, $10 Here ALL you poor people here is $1
for all of you Jesus Loves ALL OF YOU ! Praise the Lord ! ( who knows if they really give em a $1? )
Now don't try saying there is too many starving people, or that overpopulating the world to death creates wars, starvation, poverty, crime, abortion etc. worldwide. That is not the problem the problem is that YOU are

not giving me enough money to take care of all those good and wonderful starving people. That's the problem.
And no no no I don't pay taxes the money is for the poor.
Well got to go and build more churches in all the rich neighborhoods.
I am the church !
*** AND IF ANY OF THOSE STARVING CHILDREN TRY TO GET VIOLENT KILL THEM THEY ARE THE "BAD" ONES ***


Johnny King

"I am sick and tired"
Seen in early 2000.
I am sick and tired of them people threatening my life and stealing my money.

And the police sitting there doing nothing about it.
So the police are stealing my money too. I am sick and tired of it.

You know the murders.
You know those people that overpopulate the world to death, creating wars,
starvation, poverty, crime etc. worldwide.

Killing people by overpopulating them to death is murder.

I demand the arrest of the murders, they are threatening my life and they are stealing my money.

Also want the names of all the people in jail. I would like to write to them.
I would like to help them with their defense. I want to tell them to demand a jury trial.
and no matter what their charge is just claim self-defense. Just tell the jury them people
are threatening your life by overpopulating the world to death, creating wars, starvation,
poverty, crime etc. worldwide. So no matter what you do it is just an act of trying
to defend yourself against them.

I also demand the arrest of any judge that conducts court without a jury allowed.


Johnny King


PS: The pope got to make his money by running around saying more, more more no birth control just keep having more children, creating all the starvation and poverty
so then he can say look at all that starvation give me money think about the poor
then he gets the money gives the poor 10% keeps 90% and builds churches in all the
riich neighborhoods. Then doesn't pay taxes because they say they take care of the poor.

The bible does not say more more more overpopulate the world to death only the pope does so he can make that 90%

GENSIS 9;1 multiply and replenish (KJV) REPLENISH not overpopulate

"You have 2 months to live"
(with varying number of months)
Seen in August-December 1999
You have 2 months to live.
Are you comfortable? Got enough food in the house?
Electricity working? Got fuel for the car?
Well come January 1, 2000 all that is going to change.

Well that little Y2K problem is going to collapse all the economies in the world. No more food, electricity, fuel, communications etc. all those things are going to shut down like that "snap" (maybe a week or so) with them multi-warheads will be flying around
and the survival of the fittest will become the law
until the antichrist takes over the world.


YOU CAN STAY HERE FOR THAT
IT'S BEST TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THAT HAPPENS

BUT THE RAPTURE WILL NOT OCCUR UNTIL
THE UNIVERSE IS PROPERLY DISPLAYED

STAND UP AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH !

THE UNIVERSE SPACE ENDS & MOVES O /\ + \/ O
The discovery of the understanding of the universe.

This part is then followed by the standard "O /\ + \/ O" letter.
The Lavellian Gospel - what does it all mean ? Has Robert Lavelle really outproduced Einstein ? Can we extract some clarity from these confused doctrines ?

His pivotal claim is O /\ + \/ O. This is based on the claim that space moves (and so do bricks, for some reason). And if everyone realizes that space moves, there will be universal happiness, perhaps caused by laughing at Robert Lavelle. So basically, space moves like beginning, then like a king, then like democracy, then like socialism, then like the return of Jesus Christ. We must advise space at once to get a job as humorist, for he certainly knows how to move funnily. It is still unknown if this can explain how the universe must be displayed.

What of his concerns about overpopulation ? It used to be a big scare, and Robert may not know that the problem of future overpopulation has been dampened by the slow global rise in prosperity and the spread of AIDS. But his world is a different world, one where space moves and anyone can kill starving children.

Of course, it's also possible that our friend Robert is just really insane.
Spam - horrible yet entertaining
meat product. Do not confuse with :
Spam - horrible yet entertaining
intrusive emails.


Robert Lavelle

As you can already imagine, Robert has gone thru numerous email accounts, as well as numerous nicknames, during his spamming activities. This site lists about thirty email addresses that he has used, and about as many ISPs. It also lists his favourite subject lines, such as "THE RAPTURE IT IS TIME TO GO THE RAPTURE IS TO BE THE MOST DECLARIED ANNOUNCEMENT EVER YOU USE THE UNIVERSE TO DO THAT" and "You have been found GUILTY."


The Stop Robert Lavelle Page

Follows the adventures of Robert Lavelle, with news, links, a message board, and the alleged picture.



review written by Franc, 08/2002.

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