Alleee for Messiah !
Recently, Alex Chiu has made a new page enjoining us to become the messiah. The qualifications are relatively simple :
1) You don't necessarily have to have Jewish blood in you, but you must be friendly to the Jews (...)
2) You must be anointed by a prophet. (...)
3) You cannot die before the entire world is united and harmonized. If you die before your mission is accomplished, you are definitely not the messiah.
4) You will unite the entire world. Your empire will never be destroyed.
And all we have to do is make a web page that explains his "world-corporation" idea for world peace.
1) Just open up a web site and tell everyone about Alex Chiu's world-corporation plan.
2) Tell everyone about Alex Chiu's world-corporation plan on your own web site or in your own religious community.
Pretty easy. So that's what we've decided to do !
UPDATE : Alex Chiu approves of this page ! See the last page of his series about his corporation idea for a listing of other sites with various competitors for messiah.
ALEX CHIU'S WORLD-CORPORATION PLAN EXPLAINED !
1. In the near future, USA will fight a nuclear world war 3 with China.
Apparently, "USA" and "China" are really just two angry dudes|
armed with missiles that make things look all blurry.
2. [W]e should incorporate the countries which participated in world war 3. Consolidate the strongest countries like USA, China, Russia, and Japan into one corporation. These countries can no longer declare war against each other.
Apparently Alex does not think very highly of national sovereignty, and actually thinks everyone will agree that this is the best thing to do.
Apparently the US and Japan don't mind being in the same|
conglomerate as China and Russia. Yes, that's very realistic.
Also note that the Chinese guy is the only one with an army
3. If anyone who holds lots of power disagrees to this incorporation of the world idea, we just buy him out with the corporation shares.
The only thing realistic in this "plan" is|
Alex's low opinion of politicians' integrity.
4. The corporation of the world, just like any other government, will tax it's citizens. Part of the tax money will be given to the share holders as dividends. (profit) The corporation can reinvest the money collected from tax to conduct government businesses to earn more money for the corporation.
So like any other government, I suppose, it would try to milk as much money from its people : but at least it would be honest about it. Perhaps Alex's plan does have some merit after all... Ah, who am I kidding ?
Hey! You are not selling your country. You are just saving the world by making peace!
5. Once China joins the corporation, China no longer owns her army. Her army now belongs to the corporation. Once USA joins under the corporation, she also no longer owns her army. Her army belongs to the corporation. Russia and Japan also must grant their armies to the corporation. The head agency of the corporation, an organization which contains representatives from each country, has total control of the army. The head agency cannot declare a war on another country without 75 % of the citizens' votes
And without a government to ensure this, or anything else that could stand against it, how exactly do you propose to enforce these rules, Alex ? I don't think you thought this out very well.
We make base in your country and rape your little schoolgirls !
Unfortunately, Alex specifies that this cannot be used to restore human rights in China, only to ensure the end of wars. How China can do this when it's part of the corporation is a mystery. We suspect ancient Chinese powers.
Please understand this plan to save the world. And vote for Alleee, because she supports it 100% !
VOTE ALLEEE FOR MESSIAH !
Our goal is to 1. get one million votes for Alleee and 2. find a prophet. What better way to do these than to use the Internet ?
The prophet part is easy. If you are a prophet, or know a prophet, email us by clicking here. Please specify if you can come to Seattle (WA) by yourself, or if you need airfare. Also send Certificate of Prophecy by email attachment.
As for the votes, we will tally them here. We will send the results to the UN when it reaches a million votes. Vote early and often.
To prove that she is the best candidate, here are Alleee's pronouncements to the world :
If you watch Stanley Kubrick's film "Lolita", you will understand. If you do not understand, watch it again. If you still don't understand, you will never understand.
Only the fat shall enter the gates of Heaven. Eat a lot of ice cream.
Heaven is not a place but a state of mind. The very state you are in when you eat ice cream.
FAN MAIL !
Apparently some people contest our quest for Alleee's nomination. Here is an email we got from someone named "Barbie Dahl" :
Writing to tell you that you absolutely don't understand Alex Chiu's Messiah page.
First of all, the Messiah is anointed by the Prophet. The Prophet in question is not just any kind of idiot fortune teller. It is the Prophet from the Talmud, the one who brings immortality to people.
This person is Alex Chiu himself, although he is to humble to tell you that explicitly.
The "Alleee" moron, or whatever her name/gender is, fails the Messiah qualifications miserably.
"You cannot die before the entire world is united and harmonized.", says Alex. Aleee definitely dies before that. She doesn't even believe there will be a war.
You should realize that Chiu's page is a serious one. You can make fun of his writing style all you want, but the matters he discusses are dead serious.
The Messiah must be male by the way.
"aleee sucks " also thinks that this page is less than kosher :
what!?!??! i am outraged by the things you say about God. if it wernt for him, you would probably be dead right now. so what do you believe in? what happens to you when u die.....repent and maybe God will give half a snoot for your lousy stinkin computer nerd @!!|
"Yahweh" himself emailed us a big rambling paragraph to tell us that this is all a big financial conspiracy :
I am just laughing my rear end off at your lack of knowledge and so hysterical misuse of religious doctrine to promote your self serving financial plot. It will never work and are you the least bit curious as to why, if so just pick up your Koran or any religious doctrine, fools, there will be about 30 messiahs, haven't you read any material of this. You are right only about the things that you quote from the religious doctrines, everything else is just funny, really. Try actually reading the entire bible, and maybe you could see how ludicrous your ideas are, even to point of blasphemy, be careful, you could be treading on very unstable ground. Best of luck to you in your futile pursuit. Yahweh.|
Here is our reply to Yahweh.
Why did you so brutally murder the entire world, order people to abort foetuses (and their mothers) in battle, rape women, eat/kill/beat their own children, eat shit and drink piss, say it's okay to visit prostitutes, order the genocide of several peoples, create tapeworms, syphillis, Satan, Raelians, and the movie Battlefield Earth?
You are trying to trick me, O Lord, but of course I know you are setting me up. And I know you know I know you are setting me up. I know you know I know I have made no money, nor do I expect to make money on any of my sites. You know I know you know you have no ass, nor do You laugh, as you do not have the ability to laugh, as you know everything beforehand. You knew my site LONG before I wrote it, so why laugh? Are you referring to a laugh attack you had as you actually CREATED my site yourself? And why NOW do you reveal your 30 messiahs to mere ME, when You had a perfect chance to do so with your bible that you ask me to read. This is strange, O Lord, because I know you know I have read The Entire Bible, and am reading it again in Lego form. Perhaps you are referring to one of the many other bibles that do not refer to You? Why would you do that, O Lord?
As far as blasphemy, O Lord, you suck Vishnu's dick.
Alison Faye Randall
A prophet emailed us but refused to certify Alleee as messiah :
Dear Mr. Tremblay,|
Yes, I am a prophet, though I could just as easily and correctly say, yes, I
am a poet, since I consider true prophecy and true poetry to be the same
thing. I imagine the "someone" who told you I was a prophet was my nephew
as he is the only person I know who would refer to me that way since he is
probably the only person to have read most of what I have written, and as I
know he has an interest in things like objectivism and libertarianism. I
consider myself a libertarian communist, if you can conceive of such a
Though I have a strong sense of humor and a willingness to indulge in
playfulness, I take my prophet-hood and its accompanying messianic
tendencies seriously. I'm not quite sure what is behind your desire to have
a "prophet" anoint "Alleee" as the (female) messiah because other than the
fact she supports someone else's corporate/global scheme, you give no other
details of exactly what she's about and up to, a messiah in a poke, so to
Perhaps you should visit my web site (http://tycho.i8.com/wombtie/) and
peruse these four poems (http://tycho.i8.com/wombtie/mel/mesres.html) "The
(http://tycho.i8.com/wombtie/mel/malpoe.html) "Male Poet in His Middle"
(http://tycho.i8.com/wombtie/mel/thrfat.html) "Three Fathers Have I"
(http://tycho.i8.com/wombtie/mel/talchi.html) "I, Taliesin, Chief Bard"
and this song (http://tycho.i8.com/wombtie/cin/foudow.html) "Fourth Down".
This should give you a good idea of where I'm coming from. After that you
should perhaps read my essay "Apocalypse Nine One One"
(http://tycho.i8.com/wombtie/essays/apoc911.html) to get a sense of how I
employ prophetic rhetoric in regard to the current world situation. Then,
if you still think there might be a place for me in your milieu, get back to
Let me add a few things before I close. Jews await a messiah who is a
military hero to lead them into apocalyptic battle, Christians await Jesus
Christ to return out of the sky with an army of angels, yet I read a Bible
which says the messiah will defeat his enemies with the words of his mouth,
with a tongue which is like a two-edged sword (good and evil) coming out of
his mouth. I conceive of myself as this last type of messianic prophet.
Also, there is a tradition in Kabbalistic thought that there are two
messiahs: Messiah ben David and Messiah ben Joseph, two male messiahs. I
see a trinity with a third messiah who is female and who embodies the
Shekinah. She is the key to the present and coming apocalypse. Finally, I
have no problems with atheism since I see it as the logical next step from
monotheism and find it much more reasonable to believe there is no God than
that there is only one God. I am an omni-theist, meaning I accept most if
not all myths, which I think makes me sort of the mirror image of atheism:
we both view myths on an equal basis.
William John Tychonievich
Some more encouragement for our campaign from "Grog the Destroyer".
Wow, you're messiah page really moved me. I voted for you, and I hope you're really the messiah. I'll wear Alleeee Ranall tee shirts around and get a tattoo of you so I can say I was into you before you became a mainstream sellout messiah (like that poser, Christ). So, can I have some pictures of you and maybe a lock of your hair? Ya know, so I can make a shrine for you. |
I think I want to sock Mr. Chiu in the junk. Thanks for making fun of him.
Two more prophets have signaled their presence to us, but refuse to certify Alleee as messiah.
Worldpeace, my name is Benjamin. i am a prophet.|
here is my certificate of prophecy ...
"Worldpeace on the planet in the place to be/rock mind
body grown on the M-I-C/can another poet spittin' ever
fuck with me?/hell no/heaven coming quick gotta go!"
I am a prophet and i can come to Seattle by myself. I will need bus fare from Grants Pass Oregon. I sent a long letter entitled "I AM the messiah and we bumped intents" to Alex. I am not a man- i am mistaken for one.And if we were 2000 years ago or so, i may be considered to be one. I am a gendered mind, and i am offering a serious knowledge. These are the clouds, and here i am. Feel free to e-mail me heer anytime. I may be in Oregon very soon. Be well. |
Written by Franc, 08/2002.
Last updated on 03/2004